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There was a point this week where I thought, “having one drink and failing at Dry January might make a good journal entry.” I sat with the thought for a while and realized that this week has been about reflecting on the deeper question of “why” vs the mechanics of “how” I’m going to finish Dry January. The “how” is the game plan: bring VYBES to social gatherings where I would typically drink. The “why” is the soul searching: why is this hard for me? Here’s what I realized: I don’t miss the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being drunk; I don’t crave it like I do sugar when I give that up. What I miss is the ritual of drinking. I miss the condensation on a glass of chilled white wine, gathering for brunch or at a bar to watch football; I miss partaking in the bottle of expensive champagne during a celebration, and laughing at what the group finds funny after a few drinks. By being social this week, I’ve had a front row experience to the rituals that I didn’t know I missed when I was homebound during Week 1. On the flipside of that coin, I’ve also become painfully aware of how obnoxious drunk people can be. |
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There was a point this week where I thought, “having one drink and failing at Dry January might make a good journal entry.” I sat with the thought for a while and realized that this week has been about reflecting on the deeper question of “why” vs the mechanics of “how” I’m going to finish Dry January. The “how” is the game plan: bring VYBES to social gatherings where I would typically drink. The “why” is the soul searching: why is this hard for me?
Here’s what I realized: I don’t miss the taste of alcohol or the feeling of being drunk; I don’t crave it like I do sugar when I give that up. What I miss is the ritual of drinking. I miss the condensation on a glass of chilled white wine, gathering for brunch or at a bar to watch football; I miss partaking in the bottle of expensive champagne during a celebration, and laughing at what the group finds funny after a few drinks. By being social this week, I’ve had a front row experience to the rituals that I didn’t know I missed when I was homebound during Week 1. On the flipside of that coin, I’ve also become painfully aware of how obnoxious drunk people can be.
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SARA'S WEEKLY VYBES - BLUEBERRY MINT CBD
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Do I miss being potentially obnoxious? Certainly not. But I think the perception of the non-drinker is one of gravity and seriousness. This could also be a personal projection, but probably not since I just googled a synonym for “seriousness” and was greeted by “sober” and “sobriety.” In sitting with the discomfort and question of why Dry January is hard for me, I’m understanding that it is questioning key tenets of my personality. I am the fun friend, I am the party-starter, I am perhaps even borderline annoying. And here’s where I have to sit longer: Why do I need alcohol to be these things? That answer hasn’t come after two weeks and may not come by the end of the month, but I think the act of questioning is progress enough for now.
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Do I miss being potentially obnoxious? Certainly not. But I think the perception of the non-drinker is one of gravity and seriousness. This could also be a personal projection, but probably not since I just googled a synonym for “seriousness” and was greeted by “sober” and “sobriety.” In sitting with the discomfort and question of why Dry January is hard for me, I’m understanding that it is questioning key tenets of my personality. I am the fun friend, I am the party-starter, I am perhaps even borderline annoying. And here’s where I have to sit longer: Why do I need alcohol to be these things? That answer hasn’t come after two weeks and may not come by the end of the month, but I think the act of questioning is progress enough for now. |
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And while I sit with those deeper questions, it’s helpful for me to remember what I’m grateful for:
+I’m grateful that I’m not going through my Instagram stories after a night out and deleting what I thought were poignant observations and pretty selfies (which turned out to be petty rants and glassy-eyed nonsense).
+I’m sleeping better. This is something that everyone talks about when they give up drinking, but it wasn’t immediate for me. I’m just now starting to see an improvement in my sleep: especially when I’m not getting up in the middle of the night to chug a gallon of water.
+I’m far more in touch with my body. The slight headaches I still have and fatigue may mean that I need to get my thyroid checked again instead of blaming it on a mild hangover. Last year when I got COVID, I thought it was a hangover until I lost my smell. I wonder what else is going on in my body that I’ve numbed with alcohol.
+Honestly, despite mild ribbing from my friends, I’m glad people still want to hang out with me even when I’m not drinking. And I’m glad I still want to hang out with them when they are.
-SARA
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And while I sit with those deeper questions, it’s helpful for me to remember what I’m grateful for: +I’m grateful that I’m not going through my Instagram stories after a night out and deleting what I thought were poignant observations and pretty selfies (which turned out to be petty rants and glassy-eyed nonsense). +I’m sleeping better. This is something that everyone talks about when they give up drinking, but it wasn’t immediate for me. I’m just now starting to see an improvement in my sleep: especially when I’m not getting up in the middle of the night to chug a gallon of water. +I’m far more in touch with my body. The slight headaches I still have and fatigue may mean that I need to get my thyroid checked again instead of blaming it on a mild hangover. Last year when I got COVID, I thought it was a hangover until I lost my smell. I wonder what else is going on in my body that I’ve numbed with alcohol. +Honestly, despite mild ribbing from my friends, I’m glad people still want to hang out with me even when I’m not drinking. And I’m glad I still want to hang out with them when they are. -SARA |
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