Fall is here and that means one thing: Pumpkins. Everywhere. Again.

(Image: GIF of various pumpkin things: Pumpkin patch, pumpkin spiced latte, jack-o-lantern, pumpkin pie, etc)

It’s time for a change. So get rid of that tired orange eyesore, because there’s a new squash in town: This fall it’s all about zucchinis. (Image: Zucchini with a glow about it like it was sent from heaven)

Why zucchinis you ask? Great question. Buy some fall-themed underwear real quick and I’ll tell you. (Image: Selection of fall underwear prints) [CTA: “So don’t delay, act now. Supplies are running out.”]

Zucchinis are the bad boys of the squash family. They lurk in your fridge, pretending to be cucumbers. (Image: Zucchini next to a cucumber)

Zucchini noodles blatantly stole their idea from spaghetti. (Image: Plate of Zoodles)

And if you catch your spouse in bed with a zucchini, you know something nasty just went down. (Image: Bed with a big CENSORED bar blocking you from seeing anything) [CTA: “Allow if you’re still alive, 6 to 8 days to arrive.”]

With that settled, here are 5 new and improved ways to celebrate fall: 1) Treat yourself to a delicious Zucchini Spiced Latte (Image: Person sipping a steaming green beverage) Caption below image: “Makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside! And a tad queasy.”

2) Spread the aroma of autumn with a festive Zucchini Candle (Image: Green candle burning with a zucchini label on it) Caption below image: “I guess this is what a zucchini smells like?”

3) Crack open a cold, refreshing Zucchini Ale (Image: Person drinking a green beer) Caption below image: “I agree with the brewmaster’s decision to only make this once a year!”

4) Gather the kids and carve a Zucc-o-Lantern (Image: Family carving a tiny face onto a zucchini) Caption below image: “Look at that silly face I can kind of make out if I squint!”

5) Relax after dinner with a slice of warm Zucchini Pie (Image: Person enjoying a bite of green pie) Caption below image: “Don’t forget the whipped zucchini on top!”

Store your zucchini or lady zucchini somewhere cozy with these warm & woodsy fall prints. (Image: Collection of various fall print underwear) [CTA: “Smash Mouth this button to get yours today”]

Stay Weird & Don't Get Caught Leaf Peeping

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This extremely tasteful, hand-crafted, organic, non-gmo, vegan, gluten-free email was designed by Spike and written by Nate. If the sun gets to stop working at 3 pm in the fall, then so should I.

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