“Don’t click this link until your mom checks it for razor blades” Halloween is right around the corner, and you know what that means: Huge discounts on candy starting November 1st! Even better, our new Halloween collection is here just in time to help you look amazing under your $7.99 polyester Superman costume that looks like shit.

[CTA: “I’d trade my Reese’s for those.”] Hate Halloween? No problem. Each Ball Hammock® can safely transport 2 Grade A Organic Jumbo eggs to the house you’re going to vandalize. (Image of a Ball Hammock filled with 2 eggs) These underwear aren’t just stylish, comfortable, & sexy -- they’re also perfect Halloween costumes:

“Waited too long to do laundry and ran out of clothes” (Person in halloween underwear looking flustered and carrying next to a full laundry hamper)

“Being peeped at through x-ray glasses” (Person in halloween underwear looking shocked and trying to cover themselves up with their arms wearing or holding x-ray specs)

“Having that naked gym class nightmare again” (Person in halloween underwear holding a basketball.

“WereGorgeous who just turned back into a human” (Person in halloween underwear on all fours, if possible, with a dead deer below them

“Two people undressing before sex & noticing they’re coincidentally wearing matching underwear (Great for couples!)”

[CTA: “Let’s split up and look for the killer. I’ll search this email, you check the webpage.”]

Stay Weird & Don't Have Sex In A Horror Movie

We're at 1990 57th Ct. N, Boulder, CO 80301
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This extremely tasteful, hand-crafted, organic, non-gmo, vegan, gluten-free email was designed by Dain and written by Nate. What's the dumbest thing you've seen someone do in a horror movie? Let us know.

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