It’s time to talk about something that’s been bothering us… y'all have an unhealthy infatuation with carpets and rugs. This carpet Instagram has is the talk of the town at the moment and it’s just a softcore version of the hardwood floor aisle at Lowes.

Naturally, we exhaustively ranked the most influential textiles ever produced all for a small piece of that prestigious Instagram carpet clout.

5. PDX Carpet -This walkable treasure gained it’s spot on our list due to its unique cigarette smoke and IPA aroma. Pairs well with Jorts and Fixie bicycles.

4. Car City Rug- After testing nearly 3000 rugs, this gem climbed it’s way into the top 4 with subtle hints of Hot Wheel and Go-Gurt. Perfect for the naive and inexperienced palette.

3. The Soaked Persian - Known to really tie a room together. The fragrant notes of White Russian and Nihilist urine cemented this legend's place at number 3.

2. Creamsicle Shag - Only experts should attempt to provide a home for this elusive enigma of both smell and taste. The stickiness just proves authenticity so make sure to never wash it or you risk destroying this piece of walkable art.

Our final carpet on the list is so breathtaking that we painstakingly transcribed it onto our outrageously comfortable underwear so that all may bask in its glory.

CTA: Gimme that carpet clout This gorgeous pattern was the crown jewel of carpeting in 93’ and it’s about to crown your family jewels. If you dare say there’s a print with cooler squiggly things than this one, I will personally call the chairman of “Rug Aficionado Magazine” to have your membership revoked.

Stay Weird & Tread Carefully

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We don't recommend putting carpet in the bathroom.

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